everything went absolutely perfect.
on friday evening, we tried out the karaoke machine we rented from this great old guy near cologne, we had some sparkling wine and rehearsed my head dress. one of o.'s friends called - after
not having announced his coming - and asked how to get to the
bootshaus. we were both a little put off by that, but then again: the more, the merrier.
on saturday morning, things also went astonishingly smooth. while o. picked up my bouquet, i took a shower, put my hair back and applied a green minty face mask - so i looked pretty gross when my bride's maid arrived. what a laugh! after o.'s parents came and picked him up, leaving my dress, so i got ready and left the house as beautiful as i can be (if i do say...).
we arrived at the register office very much on time - in fact, another wedding was just being celebrated on the street, apparently a sailor's wedding, because they had a white sail under which they placed the married couple. one after another, all of our celebrating party arrived - except my brother who was still on the
autobahn when i called him 5 minutes past 11 am. with that i had something more definite to worry about, something palpable to occupy my mind: will my brother and his girlfriend make it on time? the first pictures were taken while we waited, and just as we were asked to move into the wedding chamber, my brother and his girlfriend came up the stairs. so we were complete to witness the hilariously earnest registry clerk. she was only half the size of o. and me, red haired (which was quite fitting) and full of optimism and goodwill. she read the ceremony like a kindergarten auntie reads a children's book at nap-time. i couldn't look at o. because i was trying to suppress a giggle almost all the time. looking at her, i tried to hold my smile and not let it turn loose into a grin. so i didn't see that o.'s best man actually cried. i don't know why it touched him so much, but apparently it did.
she spoke for about 15 miutes - not all of it was so hilarious, some of it was only paperwork - but we said "yes" loud and clear and with all our heart.
after that we had a professional photo session - the register office offered this service, and we can pick the pictures we want later. of course, that also was funny, because everyone was sweating - we had a really hot day, the last day of summer, i guess - and the guy kept putting us here and there and telling us to smile and to be happy and all that. but i'm sure there're going to be really good pictures.
coming out of the office (the building, not the room) some of our friends were actually there and threw rice - which was okay on the street, so it seems. one of them was so excited, he didn't throw a handful of rice but a whole bag at me. i could duck away, but we still had rice all over. i was lucky with my dress, because the rice simply fell through, but i had it in my hair , in my head dress and even in my ear... still, it was great to have people welcoming you after this strange and exciting moment.
o. and i agree that the half hour at the registry office passed us by like in a dream or on dope... we both only remember details, but no feeling. we were full of adrenaline, obviously. it seems to me like i should remember more, more emotion or passing of time, but it feels like gone by in a flash. like we were in and out of that room in a second. really strange.
anyway, we had something to drink on the street and some pictures were taken... we started to feel this warm fuzzy feeling that would grow stronger and stronger during the day and the evening and held on until yesterday night (actually, it still holds now). how our friends were happy for us and clearly excited about this big day in our life. they covered us with compliments - both o. and me. yet, it was only an
hors d'oeuvre to what we were in for in the evening.
we, the family and couple's aides had lunch at the
brauerei zum goldenen ring. the seating was a bit awkward, because they put the tables in a u-shape - so not everyone could converse with everyone else. but the food was great - of course far too much, but really good. it was nice to have a moment to relax, to speak to our parents and to eat (i didn't have breakfast except for a tiny bit of cake).
at 2:30 pm, our parents pressed to leave because they had something "cooking" - we were a little surprised that they should break it up so early, but all the better for us. we all went to our respective homes, and o. and i even had the time - and the lack of sleep - to take a little nap. i actually fell asleep so deeply, it took me three quarters of an hour to wake up completely.
o. had a look at the soccer tables - fortuna won their game 4:0, so we were happy about that, too.
around that time, the schedule got a bit tricky. i began to suspect that the one of my guests that i had been expecting would not show up at our place but had hooked up with others. so i called my bride's maid that she wouldn't have to pick me up. i relied on my parents, who had said they'd drop by at 6:30 pm to take our guests with them - or me, if necessary. i had called the
bootshaus that we weren't going to be there at 6:00 pm, but at 7:00 pm the whole thing was supposed to start - so when my parents didn't show up at 6:40, i was growing nervous. o.'s guests from saarbruecken arrived, but my parents didn't show up. they also had both of their mobiles turned off, which is something i just cannot get into my head: that they have a mobile and do not even turn it on when there's a reason - like me being able to reach them in case the plan changes, or in case they forget that they wanted to drop by at our place.
at 6:45 pm, they finally did turn up and took me with them to the
bootshaus. i was surprised to find so many of the guests already there - while others managed to arrive an hour late, which didn't really matter, because in the excitement of the evening, everything just took longer than usual.
my bride's maid and others had decorated the place with balloons (that made some potential guests turn around thinking it was invited guests only that night... oh well, the
bootshaus earned enough with us that night!). there were heart-shaped balloons also, for a reason.
o. arrived with his friends, his parents and the karaoke machine - that gave us a little trouble, because our waiter had not been informed and was in a bad mood. he started bickering about where to put the machine and how he had to walk around it. i hadn't realised that the room we had rented was the only connection to the kitchen, so they had to move in and out of it for the regular restaurant business also. in retrospect, this was not ideal, but what can you do about it.
we started introducing our guests while others were still arriving, so at around 8:00 pm, shortly before dusk, we could let the balloons fly.
it seems a pretty common thing in germany: all the guests fill out postcards with something they promise the marreid couple to do. these postcards are tied to balloons filled with helium. it's also a nice idea to tie a sparkler at the other end of the postcard... but it sure makes it hard to arrange. the balloons are supposed to fly into the sky and go down much much later and much much further away, so it's more interesting: the people who find the postcard once the balloon gave up should write their names on the cards and send them (of course, stamps are already put).
it was not easy to explain and even less easy to put into motion... as i said, the sparklers add some difficulty. some balloons never even made it into the air (my mum put them in a post box later), others went flying with empty postcards... oh well, it looked nice anyway!
after returning on the boat, my father held a speech that will be remembered by all of us for a long time and with a lot of emotion. he started out with the things that are important in our lives: music, movies, literature and philosophy.
he cited a song that we both love ("christmas card from a hooker in minneapolis" by tom waits). he remembered the unquotable name of o.'s former band. and he talked about sting's "secret marriage vow", which was not secret for us anymore.
he then talked about the movie "father of the bride", after which i once allegedly turned to him and said: "it won't be that bad, will it, pap?"
yes, he said, he was sad because even when o. and i have lived together for two years already, it
is different after marriage. the balance we had in our family - my father, my mother, my brother and me, two women, two men, two parents, two children - was now disturbed. one woman less, one man more, either way. but, my father said, of course it is not "that bad" - because it is o.
he then went on reading some old german text about men and women and marriage - how hard it is to be married, but how necessary for a good life.
finally, he turned to philosophy, produced a boot from a box - a boot that is nothing without its match. but: the two boots are too much alike - they are a pair, a couple, yes, but we aren't so much the same as these boots! so he produced a high-heel from the box. not the match, but the complement, sometimes weaker, sometimes stronger - both shoes, but different sorts. and, he said, some philosophers believe that if you pull the two shoes away quick enough - the pair remains standing. this pair, this "couple" without its palpable expression, he caught between his hands.
"it's small, this love, but how can it not be - it is young, and how can anything young be bigger and grow smaller? no, it is young, it is small and it will grow. it is natural for things to grow with age, and so will this love." (this was the moment when i nearly couldn't hold my tears anymore - i can hardly control myself now!)
he went on: that our love will grow, and change, and maybe one day even disappear. yes, it will almost certainly disappear - and this is were true faithfulness shows itself, and true commitment. to go on even though the love that was there in the beginning, that had grown and prospered, is gone. to go on because there is a promise. and then one day, maybe even after we stopped looking for our love that has disappeared, it will turn up again somewhere we didn't expect it. maybe just a ghost, maybe something we do not recognize at first glance - for us to see: this is our love now, this is what has become of it. maybe it will jump out at us and show itself: this is what you made of me - beaten, torn, ragged - this will be our love. but only if we are still there to receive it, to recognize and welcome it back is it possible to go on with this love.
to conclude he asked us to get up and move to the head of the room. he had distributed notes with numbers on them, 2, 3, and 4, and as we were standing there he asked all of our guests with a number 2 to get up and stand next to us: they were the offspring of our love if we had two children who had themselves two children. then some more had to get up and stand with us, with the number 3: they were the offspring of our love if we had three children who had themselves three children. it didn't quite add up with the third round - our guests with the number 4 - but still, it was impressive. my father, at the other end of the room behind 36 guests wished us all the luck and the love to last so long and so far as this calculation went on. and thus, the buffet was opened. (as o. and i were holding each other crying, everyone returned to their seats and waited until we had gotten a grip on ourselves again. then we ate.)
the food was good - some even said, great. i couldn't tell - i was not really seasick (unlike others, but i only knew of that later), but i just couldn't eat more than a little bit of salad, cucumber and some bread. i also stuck to water for the largest part of the evening.
after most of us had had something to eat, e. held his speech - e., the one connection that brought o. and me together. he had left his speech lying at home, but maybe that was even better. improvising, he stood apart from my father, whom he revered and complimented on his speech. e. himself was so shaken he had to have sips from his beer inbetween. he tried to recapitulate how it happened that o. and i met. for some of my friends, his history with o. was news, and adressing our parents he said that o. was a real rocker "and not stupid", and that i was certain to be a great daughter-in-law. he got quite a few laughs and applause - despite the waiter, who had been painfully insensitive about yelling orders at the kitchen during speeches, and despite the fact that his mobile phone rang during his own speech. we were touched by how touched he was.
but i have to say: i always notice how people want to have a part in your happiness... how everyone wants to see his or her contribution to this. my truth, o.'s truth is simple, and we know it.
i think it was after e.'s speech that o. and i opened the gift we got from our parents. we were shocked to find that our parents had met behind our backs - when o.'s parents went to visit family, they took a detour home and spent a day at my parents'. they made an album of pictures, starting with themselves when they were young, before our births, and went on with pictures of both of us at the same age (or at least 'round about) and the same situation. it is strange to see us next to each other, unaware of the other and our future. if i look at those pictures, i'm torn between the feeling how improbable a coincidence our meeting was and the feeling that every small thing build the path that lead us inevitably to each other. how strange life is!
during this whole time, my bride's maid had not been present - she told me she forgot her glasses in our flat (which i never saw her wear or take out of her purse) and could she have my keys. i only told her please not to put food in our bed...
when she returned and had something to eat, she and her boyfriend gave the last speech of the evening. a very nice, funny and thougtful idea they had: telling our story in titles of movies. unfortunately, it won't work in english, so i cannot reproduce it here. still, it was the one little thing that made my day complete, and i'm glad she had it in print, too.
as people were fed and started serious drinking by that time - around 11:30 pm, i estimate - we turned on some music. o. and i had both been doing rounds to talk to our guests - each of us with our respective special guests. we decided it was time - late enough... - for karaoke.
of course, as hosts we began the making-a-fool-of-yourself, we sang "let it be".
bit by bit, people were gathering their courage to make their appearance on stage. and here comes the sad part of the story - only three or four songs later, i was talking to one of my good friends from amrburg, i suddenly felt like i was going to be sick. i'd had one beer by then, so i thought: okay, now with the alcohol, seasickness is really starting. o.'s best man had felt real seasick for most of the evening - and i hadn't even realized!
i left the boat quickly and quietely to see whether i felt better on steady ground. just my luck that exactly then i was supposed to sing "i will survive" with my friend e. ... i only returned to the boat to tell someone i wasn't feeling well. my bride's maid and my father left the boat again with me, and on land, dry as dust, my father said: "if you don't feel better now, it's not seasickness, it's just being sick."
and so it was. well - i wasn't really sick. i retched, but nothing happened. my head swam, my heart was pounding, and, as always, i started shaking. it was simply the relieve from tension that overcame me so violently. i just couldn't return to the party- all the people, all the sounds, all the emotion. it had been a big, hard day for me.
after o. sat for a while by my side, it was decided that my brother and his girlfriend should walk me home. i felt like walking and falling into bed.
on the way, i sucked on some dextrose and felt much better when we arrived at home. my brother and his girl took a cab, and i enjoyed the decoration my bride's maid and our old friend from school had prepared: they had laid out a ribbon from the door to the bed, strewn rosebuds (artificial ones) and filled the bed with balloons. good thing i didn't feel like vomiting anymore!
in bed i placed myself between the balloons for o. to have a nice surprise. because i was feeling much better, i was sorry for missing out and i had a bad conscience for leaving o. with all the rest that was to be done: ending the party, footing the bill, packing the karaoke machine...
with those thoughts i tossed and turned until 3 am (i had left at 1:30 am), when o. arrived home with our friends who stayed overnight.
it had been stressfull once more in the end - when he had wanted to slowly turn the celebration down, he asked the waiter how much it was up until then. the waiter was, as soon would be proven further, not very well instructed. he forgot that we had paid an advance, so the number the waiter gave o. was way, way,
way out of budget. panicking, o. spoke to my parents who had agreed to pick up the tab for me (to be paid back later). when my father did that, it turned out that of course, we were still in budget - the advance was substracted from the bill. with that, we were fine. but: my father paid with credit card, what the lady from the restaurant had told us was not possible - because they have to wait for their money so long and because they have to pay provision.
when we discussed it the next day, i realized that the number of guests had changed several times - shortly before the party started, we had called to announce three more guests: o.'s friends and a girl-friend of one of our guests. during the party, these friends had called off their visit, and a couple of my friends had also not found a babysitter. so starting from 37 announced guests, we had gone up to 40 - which was the number the lady counted for food (without of course having more food in relation) and plates for the cake (1,- extra for each guest because we brought our own cake), but in the end we only had 36 guests. so they got paid for 4 people more than actually were there - which adds up to 88,-. it shouldn't be a problem then to pay 28,- provision for the credit card, i figure.
back to the wedding night - if only shortly. o. arrived at home around 3 am and seeing me in the midst of all those red balloons thought of exactly the one thing i wanted thim to think of: mina sovari in
american beauty. after he told me about the complications that had occurred, i got nervous again and felt a little sick again - but finally fell asleep, while he stayed up a little with his friends to chill out.
the next day was kind of part of the celebration - o.'s friends from saarbruecken were still there and we had breakfast with them. my bride's maid and her boyfriend dropped in on us for a short time - picking up the pearl earrings she had lent me.
o.'s friends left when my parents showed up for coffee and more cake with some old friends of ours - people we have been spending so many holidays with that they're practically aunt and uncle. my brother and his girlfriend also visited... that was the moment we opened our presents and our cards.
apart from coming up a proud number for our saving account, we had some very nice ideas for presents: a cooking course for the two of us, a voucher for a media-shop, a sheep's fur for our bedroom...
one card from a friend touched us especially - he cited
oasis: "because you need each other/you believe in one another/i know you're gonna uncover/what's sleeping in your souls". we
were pretty worked up - we had to hold each other and cry a tear or two over that.
when everyone was finally gone, we simply fell into bed, ordered a pizza and watched some movies - the regular evening for the two of us, except we had to ook at our rings from time to time.
since the wedding, we have received four of the postcards with promises of our guests. that makes two paid weekends in munich and in zandvoort/netherlands, an adventure in france and a soccer game with my former room-mate.
we also got ourselves two peruvian guinea pigs (peruvian=longhaired), and several notes telling us how nice the celebration was and what a good time everyone had.
we will certainly always remember this evening happily and with a smile and a tear. i can't wait to see the video, especially of the karaoke-part i missed.
thank you all for being there and for thinking of us (those of you who couldn't be there). with this start into marriage, what can go wrong?
