prenuptial diary

pictures

2006-09-16T12:00:00.002+02:00

me and my bride's maid's boyfriend - shortly before the wedding (note my triumphant gaze... "I am going to get married!")

o. and me just married

o. and me with best man and bride's maid

outside the register office - starting to relax

bootshaus bottke

my brother and my parents (and various others) attaching sparklers to postcards to balloons

there go the balloons

my dad, giving his notorious speech

o. and me cutting cake

o. and i announcing and singing "let it be"

o. singing something else (i was outside, sick)

my dear friend n. and her husband j. singing (i don't know what, i was on the way home by then)

some of our guests singing "wake me up before you gogo"

facts about the wedding

2006-09-16T12:00:00.001+02:00

date: 16. sept 2006
place of ceremony: register office duesseldorf, muehlenstr. 29, 40213 duesseldorf
time of ceremony: 11:30 (am)
place of small circle luncheon: brauerei zum goldenen ring, burgplatz 21, 40213 duesseldorf
time of small circle luncheon: 12:00 (am)
place of evening celebration: bootshaus bottke, volmerswerther deich 163, 40221 duesseldorf
time of evening celebration: 7:00 (pm)
guests invited: 52
invitations sent: 31
guests present: 36
costs: 2024,05 EUR (excl. clothing and rings)

epilogue

2006-09-16T12:00:00.000+02:00

everything went absolutely perfect.

on friday evening, we tried out the karaoke machine we rented from this great old guy near cologne, we had some sparkling wine and rehearsed my head dress. one of o.'s friends called - after not having announced his coming - and asked how to get to the bootshaus. we were both a little put off by that, but then again: the more, the merrier.

on saturday morning, things also went astonishingly smooth. while o. picked up my bouquet, i took a shower, put my hair back and applied a green minty face mask - so i looked pretty gross when my bride's maid arrived. what a laugh! after o.'s parents came and picked him up, leaving my dress, so i got ready and left the house as beautiful as i can be (if i do say...).
we arrived at the register office very much on time - in fact, another wedding was just being celebrated on the street, apparently a sailor's wedding, because they had a white sail under which they placed the married couple. one after another, all of our celebrating party arrived - except my brother who was still on the autobahn when i called him 5 minutes past 11 am. with that i had something more definite to worry about, something palpable to occupy my mind: will my brother and his girlfriend make it on time? the first pictures were taken while we waited, and just as we were asked to move into the wedding chamber, my brother and his girlfriend came up the stairs. so we were complete to witness the hilariously earnest registry clerk. she was only half the size of o. and me, red haired (which was quite fitting) and full of optimism and goodwill. she read the ceremony like a kindergarten auntie reads a children's book at nap-time. i couldn't look at o. because i was trying to suppress a giggle almost all the time. looking at her, i tried to hold my smile and not let it turn loose into a grin. so i didn't see that o.'s best man actually cried. i don't know why it touched him so much, but apparently it did.
she spoke for about 15 miutes - not all of it was so hilarious, some of it was only paperwork - but we said "yes" loud and clear and with all our heart.

after that we had a professional photo session - the register office offered this service, and we can pick the pictures we want later. of course, that also was funny, because everyone was sweating - we had a really hot day, the last day of summer, i guess - and the guy kept putting us here and there and telling us to smile and to be happy and all that. but i'm sure there're going to be really good pictures.

coming out of the office (the building, not the room) some of our friends were actually there and threw rice - which was okay on the street, so it seems. one of them was so excited, he didn't throw a handful of rice but a whole bag at me. i could duck away, but we still had rice all over. i was lucky with my dress, because the rice simply fell through, but i had it in my hair , in my head dress and even in my ear... still, it was great to have people welcoming you after this strange and exciting moment.
o. and i agree that the half hour at the registry office passed us by like in a dream or on dope... we both only remember details, but no feeling. we were full of adrenaline, obviously. it seems to me like i should remember more, more emotion or passing of time, but it feels like gone by in a flash. like we were in and out of that room in a second. really strange.
anyway, we had something to drink on the street and some pictures were taken... we started to feel this warm fuzzy feeling that would grow stronger and stronger during the day and the evening and held on until yesterday night (actually, it still holds now). how our friends were happy for us and clearly excited about this big day in our life. they covered us with compliments - both o. and me. yet, it was only an hors d'oeuvre to what we were in for in the evening.

we, the family and couple's aides had lunch at the brauerei zum goldenen ring. the seating was a bit awkward, because they put the tables in a u-shape - so not everyone could converse with everyone else. but the food was great - of course far too much, but really good. it was nice to have a moment to relax, to speak to our parents and to eat (i didn't have breakfast except for a tiny bit of cake).

at 2:30 pm, our parents pressed to leave because they had something "cooking" - we were a little surprised that they should break it up so early, but all the better for us. we all went to our respective homes, and o. and i even had the time - and the lack of sleep - to take a little nap. i actually fell asleep so deeply, it took me three quarters of an hour to wake up completely.
o. had a look at the soccer tables - fortuna won their game 4:0, so we were happy about that, too.

around that time, the schedule got a bit tricky. i began to suspect that the one of my guests that i had been expecting would not show up at our place but had hooked up with others. so i called my bride's maid that she wouldn't have to pick me up. i relied on my parents, who had said they'd drop by at 6:30 pm to take our guests with them - or me, if necessary. i had called the bootshaus that we weren't going to be there at 6:00 pm, but at 7:00 pm the whole thing was supposed to start - so when my parents didn't show up at 6:40, i was growing nervous. o.'s guests from saarbruecken arrived, but my parents didn't show up. they also had both of their mobiles turned off, which is something i just cannot get into my head: that they have a mobile and do not even turn it on when there's a reason - like me being able to reach them in case the plan changes, or in case they forget that they wanted to drop by at our place.
at 6:45 pm, they finally did turn up and took me with them to the bootshaus. i was surprised to find so many of the guests already there - while others managed to arrive an hour late, which didn't really matter, because in the excitement of the evening, everything just took longer than usual.

my bride's maid and others had decorated the place with balloons (that made some potential guests turn around thinking it was invited guests only that night... oh well, the bootshaus earned enough with us that night!). there were heart-shaped balloons also, for a reason.
o. arrived with his friends, his parents and the karaoke machine - that gave us a little trouble, because our waiter had not been informed and was in a bad mood. he started bickering about where to put the machine and how he had to walk around it. i hadn't realised that the room we had rented was the only connection to the kitchen, so they had to move in and out of it for the regular restaurant business also. in retrospect, this was not ideal, but what can you do about it.
we started introducing our guests while others were still arriving, so at around 8:00 pm, shortly before dusk, we could let the balloons fly.

it seems a pretty common thing in germany: all the guests fill out postcards with something they promise the marreid couple to do. these postcards are tied to balloons filled with helium. it's also a nice idea to tie a sparkler at the other end of the postcard... but it sure makes it hard to arrange. the balloons are supposed to fly into the sky and go down much much later and much much further away, so it's more interesting: the people who find the postcard once the balloon gave up should write their names on the cards and send them (of course, stamps are already put).
it was not easy to explain and even less easy to put into motion... as i said, the sparklers add some difficulty. some balloons never even made it into the air (my mum put them in a post box later), others went flying with empty postcards... oh well, it looked nice anyway!

after returning on the boat, my father held a speech that will be remembered by all of us for a long time and with a lot of emotion. he started out with the things that are important in our lives: music, movies, literature and philosophy.
he cited a song that we both love ("christmas card from a hooker in minneapolis" by tom waits). he remembered the unquotable name of o.'s former band. and he talked about sting's "secret marriage vow", which was not secret for us anymore.
he then talked about the movie "father of the bride", after which i once allegedly turned to him and said: "it won't be that bad, will it, pap?"
yes, he said, he was sad because even when o. and i have lived together for two years already, it is different after marriage. the balance we had in our family - my father, my mother, my brother and me, two women, two men, two parents, two children - was now disturbed. one woman less, one man more, either way. but, my father said, of course it is not "that bad" - because it is o.
he then went on reading some old german text about men and women and marriage - how hard it is to be married, but how necessary for a good life.
finally, he turned to philosophy, produced a boot from a box - a boot that is nothing without its match. but: the two boots are too much alike - they are a pair, a couple, yes, but we aren't so much the same as these boots! so he produced a high-heel from the box. not the match, but the complement, sometimes weaker, sometimes stronger - both shoes, but different sorts. and, he said, some philosophers believe that if you pull the two shoes away quick enough - the pair remains standing. this pair, this "couple" without its palpable expression, he caught between his hands.
"it's small, this love, but how can it not be - it is young, and how can anything young be bigger and grow smaller? no, it is young, it is small and it will grow. it is natural for things to grow with age, and so will this love." (this was the moment when i nearly couldn't hold my tears anymore - i can hardly control myself now!)
he went on: that our love will grow, and change, and maybe one day even disappear. yes, it will almost certainly disappear - and this is were true faithfulness shows itself, and true commitment. to go on even though the love that was there in the beginning, that had grown and prospered, is gone. to go on because there is a promise. and then one day, maybe even after we stopped looking for our love that has disappeared, it will turn up again somewhere we didn't expect it. maybe just a ghost, maybe something we do not recognize at first glance - for us to see: this is our love now, this is what has become of it. maybe it will jump out at us and show itself: this is what you made of me - beaten, torn, ragged - this will be our love. but only if we are still there to receive it, to recognize and welcome it back is it possible to go on with this love.
to conclude he asked us to get up and move to the head of the room. he had distributed notes with numbers on them, 2, 3, and 4, and as we were standing there he asked all of our guests with a number 2 to get up and stand next to us: they were the offspring of our love if we had two children who had themselves two children. then some more had to get up and stand with us, with the number 3: they were the offspring of our love if we had three children who had themselves three children. it didn't quite add up with the third round - our guests with the number 4 - but still, it was impressive. my father, at the other end of the room behind 36 guests wished us all the luck and the love to last so long and so far as this calculation went on. and thus, the buffet was opened. (as o. and i were holding each other crying, everyone returned to their seats and waited until we had gotten a grip on ourselves again. then we ate.)

the food was good - some even said, great. i couldn't tell - i was not really seasick (unlike others, but i only knew of that later), but i just couldn't eat more than a little bit of salad, cucumber and some bread. i also stuck to water for the largest part of the evening.

after most of us had had something to eat, e. held his speech - e., the one connection that brought o. and me together. he had left his speech lying at home, but maybe that was even better. improvising, he stood apart from my father, whom he revered and complimented on his speech. e. himself was so shaken he had to have sips from his beer inbetween. he tried to recapitulate how it happened that o. and i met. for some of my friends, his history with o. was news, and adressing our parents he said that o. was a real rocker "and not stupid", and that i was certain to be a great daughter-in-law. he got quite a few laughs and applause - despite the waiter, who had been painfully insensitive about yelling orders at the kitchen during speeches, and despite the fact that his mobile phone rang during his own speech. we were touched by how touched he was.
but i have to say: i always notice how people want to have a part in your happiness... how everyone wants to see his or her contribution to this. my truth, o.'s truth is simple, and we know it.

i think it was after e.'s speech that o. and i opened the gift we got from our parents. we were shocked to find that our parents had met behind our backs - when o.'s parents went to visit family, they took a detour home and spent a day at my parents'. they made an album of pictures, starting with themselves when they were young, before our births, and went on with pictures of both of us at the same age (or at least 'round about) and the same situation. it is strange to see us next to each other, unaware of the other and our future. if i look at those pictures, i'm torn between the feeling how improbable a coincidence our meeting was and the feeling that every small thing build the path that lead us inevitably to each other. how strange life is!

during this whole time, my bride's maid had not been present - she told me she forgot her glasses in our flat (which i never saw her wear or take out of her purse) and could she have my keys. i only told her please not to put food in our bed...
when she returned and had something to eat, she and her boyfriend gave the last speech of the evening. a very nice, funny and thougtful idea they had: telling our story in titles of movies. unfortunately, it won't work in english, so i cannot reproduce it here. still, it was the one little thing that made my day complete, and i'm glad she had it in print, too.

as people were fed and started serious drinking by that time - around 11:30 pm, i estimate - we turned on some music. o. and i had both been doing rounds to talk to our guests - each of us with our respective special guests. we decided it was time - late enough... - for karaoke.
of course, as hosts we began the making-a-fool-of-yourself, we sang "let it be".
bit by bit, people were gathering their courage to make their appearance on stage. and here comes the sad part of the story - only three or four songs later, i was talking to one of my good friends from amrburg, i suddenly felt like i was going to be sick. i'd had one beer by then, so i thought: okay, now with the alcohol, seasickness is really starting. o.'s best man had felt real seasick for most of the evening - and i hadn't even realized!
i left the boat quickly and quietely to see whether i felt better on steady ground. just my luck that exactly then i was supposed to sing "i will survive" with my friend e. ... i only returned to the boat to tell someone i wasn't feeling well. my bride's maid and my father left the boat again with me, and on land, dry as dust, my father said: "if you don't feel better now, it's not seasickness, it's just being sick."
and so it was. well - i wasn't really sick. i retched, but nothing happened. my head swam, my heart was pounding, and, as always, i started shaking. it was simply the relieve from tension that overcame me so violently. i just couldn't return to the party- all the people, all the sounds, all the emotion. it had been a big, hard day for me.

after o. sat for a while by my side, it was decided that my brother and his girlfriend should walk me home. i felt like walking and falling into bed.
on the way, i sucked on some dextrose and felt much better when we arrived at home. my brother and his girl took a cab, and i enjoyed the decoration my bride's maid and our old friend from school had prepared: they had laid out a ribbon from the door to the bed, strewn rosebuds (artificial ones) and filled the bed with balloons. good thing i didn't feel like vomiting anymore!
in bed i placed myself between the balloons for o. to have a nice surprise. because i was feeling much better, i was sorry for missing out and i had a bad conscience for leaving o. with all the rest that was to be done: ending the party, footing the bill, packing the karaoke machine...
with those thoughts i tossed and turned until 3 am (i had left at 1:30 am), when o. arrived home with our friends who stayed overnight.
it had been stressfull once more in the end - when he had wanted to slowly turn the celebration down, he asked the waiter how much it was up until then. the waiter was, as soon would be proven further, not very well instructed. he forgot that we had paid an advance, so the number the waiter gave o. was way, way, way out of budget. panicking, o. spoke to my parents who had agreed to pick up the tab for me (to be paid back later). when my father did that, it turned out that of course, we were still in budget - the advance was substracted from the bill. with that, we were fine. but: my father paid with credit card, what the lady from the restaurant had told us was not possible - because they have to wait for their money so long and because they have to pay provision.
when we discussed it the next day, i realized that the number of guests had changed several times - shortly before the party started, we had called to announce three more guests: o.'s friends and a girl-friend of one of our guests. during the party, these friends had called off their visit, and a couple of my friends had also not found a babysitter. so starting from 37 announced guests, we had gone up to 40 - which was the number the lady counted for food (without of course having more food in relation) and plates for the cake (1,- extra for each guest because we brought our own cake), but in the end we only had 36 guests. so they got paid for 4 people more than actually were there - which adds up to 88,-. it shouldn't be a problem then to pay 28,- provision for the credit card, i figure.

back to the wedding night - if only shortly. o. arrived at home around 3 am and seeing me in the midst of all those red balloons thought of exactly the one thing i wanted thim to think of: mina sovari in american beauty. after he told me about the complications that had occurred, i got nervous again and felt a little sick again - but finally fell asleep, while he stayed up a little with his friends to chill out.

the next day was kind of part of the celebration - o.'s friends from saarbruecken were still there and we had breakfast with them. my bride's maid and her boyfriend dropped in on us for a short time - picking up the pearl earrings she had lent me.
o.'s friends left when my parents showed up for coffee and more cake with some old friends of ours - people we have been spending so many holidays with that they're practically aunt and uncle. my brother and his girlfriend also visited... that was the moment we opened our presents and our cards.
apart from coming up a proud number for our saving account, we had some very nice ideas for presents: a cooking course for the two of us, a voucher for a media-shop, a sheep's fur for our bedroom...
one card from a friend touched us especially - he cited oasis: "because you need each other/you believe in one another/i know you're gonna uncover/what's sleeping in your souls". we were pretty worked up - we had to hold each other and cry a tear or two over that.

when everyone was finally gone, we simply fell into bed, ordered a pizza and watched some movies - the regular evening for the two of us, except we had to ook at our rings from time to time.

since the wedding, we have received four of the postcards with promises of our guests. that makes two paid weekends in munich and in zandvoort/netherlands, an adventure in france and a soccer game with my former room-mate.
we also got ourselves two peruvian guinea pigs (peruvian=longhaired), and several notes telling us how nice the celebration was and what a good time everyone had.

we will certainly always remember this evening happily and with a smile and a tear. i can't wait to see the video, especially of the karaoke-part i missed.
thank you all for being there and for thinking of us (those of you who couldn't be there). with this start into marriage, what can go wrong?

t -1

2006-09-15T14:50:00.000+02:00

our last day before marriage! we're making the best of it: cleaning up the rest of the flat, starting beautifications, and soon my bride's maid will be here with cake and make-up.
o. went do the hairdresser this morning (after serving fennel tea and my heated cherry pit cushion, because my cramps started today) and now he looks better than i do - he looks like richard ashcroft! i look like a grown out liza minnelli... oh well. i'll be wearing something in my hair anyway.
it appears that some of our friends are going to show up at the register office to celebrate... they may not throw rice, but if they want to cheer and take pictures, that's fine by me.

this also the day closest to the end of this blog. i'll miss that - i guess sooner or later i'll start up another temporary blog. this one here will have only one more entry: the epilogue with images.

t -2

2006-09-14T09:14:00.000+02:00

my last working day as a bachelorette! i hope things go smoothly and i can leave on time... not just because we want to pick up the karaoke machine, but also because i'm getting nervous and too fidgety to concentrate...

t -3

2006-09-13T09:30:00.000+02:00

facts about the wedding
date: 16. sept 2006
place of ceremony: register office duesseldorf, muehlenstr. 29, 40213 duesseldorf
time of ceremony: 11:30 (am)
place of small circle luncheon: brauerei zum goldenen ring, burgplatz 21, 40213 duesseldorf
time of small circle luncheon: 12:00 (am)
place of evening celebration: bootshaus bottke, volmerswerther deich 163, 40221 duesseldorf
time of evening celebration: 7:00 (pm)
guests invited: 52
invitations sent: 31
guests coming: 37
costs: 446,05 EUR (to date, excl. clothing)

t -4

2006-09-12T18:36:00.000+02:00

only two more workdays to go. o. took care of the last things - decoration at the party, for instance. tomorrow and the day after that i'm working, and thursday evening we're picking up the karaoke machine.
during the day at work, i'm too busy to be excited, and in the evenings i'm too tired... but the weekend was thrilling.

i had two girls over to drink - sparkling wine and vodka-fig (i never had one of those before - it wasn't too bad!) - and we played singstar. that was fun! but then o. called me to meet him at our favourite pub, so we went. and first thing i stumble into at the pub is a pointless argument of two of his friends about how the party was going. o.'s best man didn't "prepare" so much, but as he knows o. for more than ten years, i guess i have to agree with him that it didn't matter. it would have been fine to stumble from one bar to the next without a vision or a plan.
the other - a new friend with a more detailled vision for a bachelor's party - felt responsible, but maybe took it too far... well, being drunk and all, he did take it too far. so, all but him took a cab back into town, and i stayed with him and gave him a lecture about it being o.'s party and how he thought that would suit o. that his friends are fighting, and that i didn't want any of this to happen at my wedding!

so, my bachelorette's party ended a bit dissonant. but the rest of that i left to o. when he was sobering up on sunday.

we are having a cake after all - my parents are bringing one from my hometown, germany's best patisserie and not only in my opinion.

in the end, we'll have everything.

i don't know if i get to write again before the big day - i can try, but i can't promise. maybe this is the last entry to this diary before take-off. i'll be sure to post pictures of the main event and have an epilogue, so you won't have to wonder if everything went well after following thisfor 178 days.

t -9

2006-09-07T10:07:00.000+02:00

facts about the wedding
date: 16. sept 2006
place of ceremony: register office duesseldorf, muehlenstr. 29, 40213 duesseldorf
time of ceremony: 11:30 (am)
place of small circle luncheon: brauerei zum goldenen ring, burgplatz 21, 40213 duesseldorf
time of small circle luncheon: 12:00 (am)
place of evening celebration: bootshaus bottke, volmerswerther deich 163, 40221 duesseldorf
time of evening celebration: 7:00 (pm)
guests invited: 52
invitations sent: 31
definite nos: 13 (to date)
definite yess: 37 (to date)
maybes: 2 (to date)
costs: 446,05 EUR (to date, excl. clothing)

t -11

2006-09-04T11:01:00.000+02:00

we've bought rings!!!!
as everything to do with this wedding, we just went to the first jeweller and found the right ones - and after an hour of strolling and looking around for alternatives, we didn't find any and
bought them.
we're real happy - they're 333-gold, not too small and matt (as in "not shiny"). i couldn't stop looking at them, that is: i wanted to look at them again and again, but o. held me from it. i only got another chance when we showed them to his parents yesterday.
the most important thing is done.
o. will take care of my bouquet - i just love his mother for pointing out that it's his job to get me flowers...
i'm losing the bad excitement and winning on the good excitement. only 11 more days - and weekdays just rush past me!

t -15

2006-09-01T12:44:00.000+02:00

the last chance to get partyin' with us on 16th september has passed. whoever hasn't announced his or her coming, will not get any food.
i'll update the facts once more before it all happens.

t -16

2006-08-31T11:00:00.000+02:00

okay, so: o. did not get a ring in antwerp - even low-priced diamonds are still too expensive. meaning that i reserved my saturday morning for ring-shopping, and my saturday afternoon for bouquet-shopping. i'll have to skip another fortuna game... well, okay.
what i did get yesterday evening is some silk ribbons to put in my hair (around my head, more like it). i got a broader one in off-white and three smaller ones in dark brown, light brown and light blue - to mirror the colours of o.'s suit and of course: to have "something blue". i'll braid them and then i truely hope that my bride's maid and i will find a way to tie those around my head in a gracious fashion. when i tried yesterday i thought that my ears might be in the way for that... but i trust c. that she'll find a way. i got some barettes to go with the ribbons.
i'm getting a bit stressed out about the ring-business. but then: when haven't i been stressed out about something in the last two months? the first four months i let it slide, so now i'm paying for that. i'm determined to go ring-shopping with o. on saturday - he'll have no soccer game without buying a ring first!
what else? well, i booked a room for lunch on our wedding day - i'll have to speak with my mother about the food, but maybe she can arrange that. i gave her the web-adress of the place, she can work something out.
then there's the bachelor's valediction - o. is having his on saturday 9th, so i asked some girls to do mine on that day as well - i've had two yes' and three nos, so i'm not quite sure what to do. if to have one at all, actually.
and the last thing i'll have to remember organisationwise: we have to go to the bootshaus sunday the 10th, to arrange the buffet.
after that weekend, i'll let things go and just look forward to the real moment. whatever is still unclear - who gets where how and when - will be managed with my bride's maid, o.'s best man, my parents and so forth.
boy, am i happy when this thing's happening!

t -17

2006-08-30T12:46:00.000+02:00

facts about the wedding
date: 16. sept 2006
place of ceremony: register office duesseldorf, muehlenstr. 29
time of ceremony: 11:30 (am)
place of small circle luncheon: brauerei zum goldenen ring, burgplatz 21, 40213 duesseldorf
time of small circle luncheon: 12:00 (am)
place of evening celebration: bootshaus bottke, volmerswerther deich 163, 40221 duesseldorf
time of evening celebration: 7:00 (pm)
guests invited: 52
invitations sent: 31
definite nos: 7 (to date)
definite yess: 32 (to date)
maybes: 2 (to date)
costs: 268,05 EUR (to date, excl. clothing)

t -18

2006-08-29T10:17:00.000+02:00

holy cow, it's getting serious! o. is planning his bachelor's valediction (is that it?) and i'm trying to arrange my friends' stay-overs for real.
o. also got a beautiful suit with shirt and tie - i picked the tie... and i learned how to do a windsor knot. i'm not sure it's the best choice, but better to be safe than sorry...
o.'s suit is a dark brown with light brown pinstripes, the shirt is champagne-coloured with a structure, and the tie is striped in dark orange and dark brown. he's going to look ravishing!!!!
these last few days are going to be pretty busy - tomorrow o. is in antwerp, while i will try to arrange my own bachelorette's valediction... i'll invite some of the girls for some beers and we'll see where the evening will take us.
then, if o. doesn't find rings in antwerp, we'll have to be sharp on saturday - me with the bouquet that i still have to order, him with the rings he'll have to find for us. i'm not even troubling myself with the karaoke-machine. that's his thing alone, because i still have to order a table and a menue for the "inner circle" after the ceremony. i have an idea, but i have to put it in motion.
i guess after next weekend, we'll be through with the worst. if not, there's still one more weekend...
i'm glad my bride's maid will be there the evening before the big day, and o. is, too... we'll both be nervous as hell, and we'll be happy to have many people as possible around the last night. actually, we'd both be happy to have as many people as possible around now! we're growing excited.
as we are maturing - with commitment and all that - we have also decided to become a real family.

i'm kidding. we've decided to get us some pets after the wedding - guinea pigs, to be exact. we feel that we are up to taking care of two little ones, and we love cuddly furry creatures. maybe we also need a third reference point in our relationship.
if you want to see an example of how cute these quadrupeds can be, check out my main page...

t -23

2006-08-24T09:19:00.000+02:00

facts about the wedding
date: 16. sept 2006
place of ceremony: register office duesseldorf, mühlenstr. 29
time of ceremony: 11:30 (am)
place of celebration: bootshaus bottke, volmerswerther deich 163, 40221 duesseldorf
time of celebration: 7:00 (pm)
guests invited: 52
invitations sent: 31
definite nos: 7 (to date)
definite yess: 32 (to date)
maybes: 2 (to date)
costs: 268,05 EUR (to date, excl. clothing)

t -24

2006-08-23T12:00:00.000+02:00

it wasn't as easy as i had expected, but now it seems we have found accomodations for all of our non-rheinland-friends. some of them might have to take a train out of d-dorf, but they will be very warmly welcomed i know.
so, the main trouble is to get them together in d-dorf, so that everyone finds their way to the party-place. maybe i will have to be more aggressive towards our d-dorf friends to make them help us - because we will be sitting in a restaurant, celebrating our wedding!!!!
the karaoke-machine is in the act of being ordered - just because one or two people won't sing doesn't mean that me and o. and some others aren't going to enjoy making a complete fool of ourselves.

t -29

2006-08-18T09:31:00.000+02:00

another one for good luck... o. is determined on getting our wedding rings at antwerp. golden rings - one with a stone for me and one without a stone for himself. he said jewellery is supposed to be so much cheaper in antwerp... i dunno. is it?
he seems to be eager to give me a stone... which is quite touching, i think.

t -30

2006-08-17T16:53:00.000+02:00

things are moving fast now... i'm working (well, at the moment...) and o. got a new suit. for shirt and tie, we'll go another time - and of course, for the rings.
i'm getting really excited by now. just 4 weeks to go. now, the trade fair has been remitted and hotel prices have risen above sky level, but my parents and my bridesmaid have found affordable hotels close to our place. all of "my" friens except my two ex-colleagues have announced their coming, which means i will have to find places to sleep and see that they find their way to the partying place.
i'll have a day off on friday before the wedding, but gee - am i glad when everything's over!
o. is still in charge of finding a karaoke machine. i don't want anything to do with that. i've had enough other problems.
at least, i know there's going to be money in my account to pay the advance at bootshaus bottke. maybe we'll even have some money left over from "all the gifts".
a lot of things are better now than i thought they'd be. that's a good thing.

t -48

2006-07-30T17:22:00.000+02:00

facts about the wedding
date: 16. sept 2006
place of ceremony: register office duesseldorf, mühlenstr. 29
time of ceremony: 11:30 (am)
place of celebration: bootshaus bottke, volmerswerther deich 163, 40221 duesseldorf
time of celebration: 7:00 (pm)
guests invited: 52
invitations sent: 31
definite nos: 4 (to date)
definite yess: 16 (to date)
maybes: 1
costs: 268,05 EUR (to date)

t -50

2006-07-28T16:39:00.000+02:00

eat your heart out, sarah jessica parker - i got myself a new pair of shoes for the wedding. and i didn't pay more than 50,- because luckily, summer sales have begun.
we also have sent out all but three invitations for the wedding and some of the "no"s i expected turned to "yes"s.
we went to bootshaus bottke and had all our question answered - apart from finally getting to know the lady of the house (or boat). now i'm feeling a whole lot better, because everything is really settled and i know we're in good hands.
we are doing quite well at the moment, considering our lack of stamina.

all that's missing is a new suit for o., a karaoke-machine - and of course, a time table of arrivals on our wedding day. that's what keeps me awake at night - how are all these people going to find the place? how are we going to get there? how are we actually going to get to the register office, when o. shouldn't see me in my dress before the ceremony?
but then there's my bride's maid who will be calm and collected because that's how i know her. in the end, everything will be nice and easy and a lot of fun.

t -53

2006-07-25T13:26:00.000+02:00

invitations are almost completely sent out.
today we will hopefully be able to sign the contract at the bootshaus bottke, so we won't have to fear anything anymore.

i'm a little sad, that two of my former colleagues won't be able to be there - but then, others have already announced their coming. now i'm getting excited. i still have to buy new shoes - i know a lot of women would envy me for this, but to me that's not really fun - not for high heels! but i can't get married in sneakers, so...
actually it's good excitement.
at the moment, the weather in germany is quite promising. i'm sure we'll have sunshine...
oh, i'm really getting excited!

t -65

2006-07-13T23:44:00.000+02:00

facts about the wedding
date: 16. sept 2006
place of ceremony: register office duesseldorf, mühlenstr. 29
time of ceremony: 11:30 (am)
place of celebration: bootshaus bottke, volmerswerther deich 163, 40221 duesseldorf
time of celebration: 7:00 (pm)
guests to be invited: 50
invitations to send: 30
costs: 207,70 EUR (to date)

t -67

2006-07-11T14:34:00.000+02:00

yes, we did it! we ordered our invitations, via internet - yes, we are cheap! among all those horrible kitschy images of doveys and hearties and bubbles and silly little images of happy couples we found one card that's as simple as we want to keep it: plain blue. keeping to our interest - the movies - we open our invitation with the german title of an english (integration-)movie: the original title is "sammy and rosie get laid", the german "translation" is "sammy and rosie are doing it" or "...will do it". so, we have this nice and simple dark blue with the phrase "leena and oliver will do it", and inside we have a good short to-the-point-invitation to our wedding celebration, in blue text.

despite all the fights we are having at the moment (regaining my self-confidence brings up a lot of relationship-balance-issues) we are not seriously getting cold feet. of course maybe this whole making-commitments-business does stress our internal struggle, but to me - after my former experiences - this is all good as "working with the relationship". instead of "against it".
as soon as we got it over with, the threat of "well, if you see it like that, we'd better not get married" will not turn up anymore. fights will be different - i guess. i don't calculate on it, but i just figure. in any case, i don't see it as destructive what's happening with us at the moment, i hope and try for it to be constructive.

by the way, we also already checked karaoke-machine-rentals. of course, the line-up isn't very satisfying at most of them... no oasis, no chance. my main concern is actually how we're going to organize it on the day of our wedding - i don't feel like carrying around a karaoke-machine in my wedding-dress, in between coffee and cake with the family and cold buffet with family and friends... but then, there's the bride's brother and best man and bridesmaid's boyfriend. i sure won't have to work too hard on that day - and if it's only for the high-heeled shoes i'm going to be wearing!

t -76

2006-07-02T18:52:00.000+02:00

as i have been terribly busy improving myself in every possible way, o. agreed to take care of the invitations. we have agreed on a guest list, so what we will have to do is collect adresses, write a text for the invitation and have them printed. to get the text right, we will have to know at what time our guests can show up at the bootshaus. actually, there's still so many things to do, and then there's still world championship - i guess we won't be sending out our invitations befor end of june. well... if we manage to do it before the fantasy film festival in august, that's alright. most people know anyway that we're having a party on 16th september, and all the others will have a month to see whether they will be coming or not.

i was terribly sorry to have to tell s. that we won't be at her wedding - i'm really sorry about that, because when she invited us, that is, asked me to be her bridesmaid, i was so sure i was going to have a job, i.e. the money and the time to go to spain. now everything is f***ed because of my unemployment... one more reason to be pissed off.

t -97

2006-06-11T21:55:00.000+02:00

some newer and nicer images of my hubby-to-be from the opening of the world championship in duesseldorf. as you can see, it was perfect weather and the atmosphere was great. after a week in a coaching seminar (which will be going on for 6 weeks) with very nice other people in the same situation (university degree, but no job), my mood has lightened up. it's strange how being busy and exhausted in the evenings can make you feel so much better.
if i wanted to be funny, i'd say: the less o. and i see of each other, the better are the times we share... well, of course in a way it's true because the famous "quality time" expands, percentagewise...
anyway, my bridemaid c. and her boyfreind t. were in duesseldorf for a tool-concert and stretched their stay over two more nights, so we could watch the first two games together and enjoy the beautiful beginning of the real summer (which will hopefully not end again sometime mid-july...).
this is him - note also the funny guy in the back who has no idea that his face is now public on the internet... i guess he won't mind.
i cannot post any images of my bridesmaid, though, because the only images i have of her (now) are images with us in our celebrating clothes.

yes, we went shopping for a dress and we found one.
i'm incredibly happy because it's the exact colour i imagined, and the whole thing is "so me", as a sales person would put it. i wish you could all see it, and if you want to real bad, send me an email and i'll send you pictures. that goes of course especially for those of you who won't be able to be at our wedding.
we also put together a guest list - we'll invite some more than 50, but as there's most probably going to be some who will not be there, i guess we'll be good.
maybe we'll work on it another time... i'll soon be writing invitations, and then almost everything is done except the real deal.
anyways, i'm expecting your orders, and more news will follow as soon as there is someting new.

t -121

2006-05-18T13:03:00.000+02:00

for all of you haven't seen either me or o. or both of us maybe... this is a picture taken on 30th april - rockin'n'rollin' into may.

t -129

2006-05-10T12:14:00.000+02:00

called bootshaus bottke yesterday evening and got us the reservation for our wedding day. at least that can't go wrong anymore - i guess... we'll have to drop in and make a contract, and talk the whole thing through, but concerning how many people there'll be and what we'll have on the buffet, the lady owner said it's enough to discuss that a week beforehand. they'll do the shopping on friday before the party, so that takes a weight off my shoulders for now.
until then, we can write a definite guest list, make invitations and see who's really coming. so, the next thing for me worry about is the invitation. i'll have to get in touch with my friend with the printing connection and see what can be done. of course, as i'm the text book example of a "worrying" character, i worry on and on, there's just no end to it...
but really, i look forward to making invitations - that's creative at least, so it should be fun... and i have so much time on my hands now to be creative! isn't that just great...?!

t -132

2006-05-07T21:26:00.000+02:00

so... bootshaus bottke is going to be it. if they're still free on 16th september, that is.
we had a nice gutbürgerlich german dinner there on friday, on the veranda at the back of the boat, and apart from some heavy seas, caused by freightships going by, we were pretty satisfied. the schnitzel was great, even though the bratkartoffeln were a bit on the floppy side, but then - real food prepared in real pans cannot always be perfect. and we'll have no bratkartoffeln at our wedding party.
we'll have to make an appointment now with them to talk over the whole thing - who, how and what.
i also have a date with my bride's maid to go shopping for my wedding dress in june, so things are developping more rapidly, finally.
i'll have to take care of the invitations now, i guess. as if i didn't have any other trouble! well, we'll find a way. i was thinking of some plain postcards - especially designed by yours truly, of course, but nothing fancy with satin and lace or all that kind of girly stuff. good to have something to keep your mind off the job applications that are running and might possibly be turned down.

t -134

2006-05-05T08:21:00.000+02:00

okay, after my professional life has been turned upside down and back into the damnedest unemployment yet again, this whole wedding thing has become the one constant joy in my life and more often than not my single one reason to keep going.
pathetic as it may sound, if it wasn't for o. marrying me, i might not be here anymore. i'm putting myself back together again over these days and developping a new spirit to help me deal with my situation, and just because in about 4 months i will be legally bonded to my lover.
so, to get at least this thing right, o. and i have the plan of checking out the boat restaurant for food and service - incognito, of course. let's just hope they didn't rent out the place to someone else for that day during the last month!
yesterday we discussed the idea of having the party at all - considering my situation and the whole money business. but then: you only get married once in your life, and it's not like we're throwing a feast for hundreds of people. on the contrary, it's going to be a rather small circle of friends - affordable, yet hopefully the right amount of people to have a big laugh with karaoke. for my part, i'd just be happy to have my old friends together here in duesseldorf - if we didn't throw a party, who knows when they all would manage to show up here, and if it'd be such an event to really celebrate our wedding.
apart from that, o. and i didn't have a real party since our housewarming party in september '04 (did i already say that here? i think so). so it's not like we're spending too much money on celebrating our private life...
so, if things go right tonight, you can expect a full report of our visit to the potential wedding location as soon as, let's say - sunday?!

t -147

2006-04-22T18:50:00.000+02:00

well, one step... yesterday after work, o. and i went to fortuna club house - actually to get tickets for the game today, but that didn't work out... anyway, as we were there, i shoved o. to go and ask about the possibility of having our wedding party there. the guy was real nice, and yes, it is possible to rent the place for private parties - unless the game would be played at the paul-janes-stadion. he said he'd check next season and if the club house is free, we'll ask about the hows and whats.
as the place is not what i'd call "pretty" or "cozy" or "chic", i'm not totally keen on having the party there - but on the other hand, it could be very original. maybe the team will show up. i'm sure that would make it the happiest day of o.'s life... *smirk*.
well. at least we're one step further towards alternatives. there's the boat, and there's the club house.

god, that's so us, how this thing is going! i'm so happy that this isn't my life's dream, to have a perfect wedding. i'd be having a nervous breakdown by now if i was the kind of woman who needs a perfect wedding.
the word of the day? i'd say laissez faire.

t -148

2006-04-21T08:39:00.000+02:00

still no further development. are we late or do we still have time?! i have no idea how our schedule is coming along... i've never been getting married before.
anyways, i'm working full time at the moment, but we might manageto try out the boat restaurant that i have in mind. maybe that'll help us.
at least, we've got the appointment at the register office. we are definitely getting married - it's just the party that might to be postponed...

t -154

2006-04-15T14:55:00.002+02:00

last sunday on my early easter stroll i came across a potential wedding party location. it's a restaurant on a boat on the rhine - so that's very duesseldorf - and after a glance at the menu it didn't seem to be over-expensive. on the contrary, the prices appeared quite affordable, which of course could also mean that it's not the highest quality... well, i called'em anyway, and asked about their offers for wedding parties.
advantage #1: they do not charge extra for room rental. i figure they've got a seperate room for private parties, so that doesn't interfere with their normal restaurant business.
advantage #2: they have three kinds of buffets (is that a word?) - cold, warm, and warm with smoked fish. as we are looking for the easiest way, cold buffet (or whatever) is perfect. they charge 21,- EUR p.p. which is less than half of what i feared...
counting something like 45 guests, that would make 945,- EUR (did i calculate right?). drinks of course are extra, but that's something we would have to pay either way, so what the heck.
advantage #3: it's kind of in the neighbourhood. as i said, it's on the river, maybe half an hour to walk from our house. of course we will have to see what time we can start there, but at least we've got an idea.
i'm a bit annoyed with this whole business, because it's becoming so that i am the only person between the two of us who takes any action for this party. i told o. that i didn't want to do it alone, but he didn't yet lift a finger to maybe check about the fortuna club room... i mean, that's his thing, right?
this is not going to stop me to getting married to him, mind you, but i can already see it happening like the register office history: o. felt that after asking me if i would, he had done his part and now it was my turn. i said yes, so i should get the thing going!
well, not really, but he's a trifle slow concerning putting plans into action. if he doesn't get his ass up to offer alternatives, i'll just go and book the fucking thing on the boat.
not before checking out their quality of course. we'll try their menu before i let them prepare food for our friends.

t -165

2006-04-04T11:48:00.000+02:00

so, finally, everyone can post comments. god, this blog is really bits and pieces...
on the phone with my mum yesterday she freaked me out - by saying we shouldn't have such a big party for the wedding, rather have the polterabend (night before the wedding, throwing old plates and glasses... how traditional is that?!) and use the money for ourselves.
what is it with this "ourselves"? o. and i haven't had a party together for more than a year - the house-warming party was not such a great success though, seeing that there were maybe three people i invited... and the rest was o.s friends.
so this damn wedding party is for myself!
i got scared that my parents would not pay anything... ugh, i know, that sounds greedy, but what can i do? hopefully i will only get married once in my life, and i want to celebrate it.
and then, i felt she contradicted herself by not wanting us to have a "profane" celebration. so - if we are having a party, it should be the real thing or what?!
it's not going to be boeuf tartare and beer only. but it's going to be like o. and i are... a little proletarian, a little traditional - a lot of rock'n'roll!
one thing we are absolutely determined on is the karaoke. there's no way around that. all the rest is still open for discussion. if any of you guys out there have any ideas, let me hear 'em!

t -168

2006-04-01T16:29:00.000+02:00

i appreciate your sensitivities, but now i'm embarrassed again because no one pointed out my wrong spelling! well, i corrected it, so this is the new, improved wedding countdown.

t -169

2006-03-31T16:49:00.000+02:00

did i tell you that i am keeping my name? this might be interesting for anyone who will want to look me up in the directory later, or send me snail mail...
yes, i'm keeping my name. o. and i never went to the end of the discussion - not seriously, anyway. and then, when we were at the registration office, the lady asked us what our names were going to be - so, there we were with our unfinished discussion.
i'm actually not sure if o. ever was really opposed to me keeping my name... i promised him our kids will have his last name, so the family tree won't fade. i've got a brother who can do that job with ours. eventually, i just said, i'm keeping my name, and that was that. no more discussion.

as far as the party preparations are concerned... well, we are considering the fortuna club room. not that i'm so keen on having our wedding party at the soccer club, but that might be a fitting place - and affordable - for our party. and i think i would make o. very happy... it might be fun. we haven't got any information if we can rent it, not being club members and all, and what the costs would be, but it's a thought. for the beginning.

t -171

2006-03-29T16:54:00.000+02:00

i just realized that i've been providing you with false information! the wedding is on 16th of september... which is a saturday. unlike the 11th, which is a monday.
i just got confused with my lucky numbers. how embarrassing.

t -172

2006-03-28T12:35:00.000+02:00

we put up the rough sketch of a guest list yesterday - we had to start someday, don't we! i came up with 23 people and 3 babies, o. came up with 26 or 27 and one baby. so, we're somewhere around 60 grown-ups.
calculating 50,- per person, we'd end up with 3.000,-
my god - who's gonna pay for that?!?!

t -173

2006-03-27T14:03:00.000+02:00

after meeting friends with (unhappy) marriage experience over the weekend, the question arises (again): prenuptial contract - yes or no?
for o. and me the answer is no. not only or mainly because i'd think it unromantic to make a contract about our relationship, but also because i don't think we'd be able to make decisions that would help us later when we should really get divorced. i mean, we don't even know whether we'll have the same jobs in 5 years, so how can we know what is going to be right when our marriage won't work out? if we say we'll have kids and a house, how can we know what's going to be the best thing for a separation?
i know, marriage is a contract either way, but that's what laws are for, aren't they?
maybe i'm being naive... really, this is not about irrational romance, it's just that i wouldn't know how to set this thing up - without feeling that i'm hammering nails in the dark. i don't think we can see now what's going to be right in the future. all i know is that i have dealt with wrong decisions and failed relationships in the past without too much damage. i know o. - his best and his worst side, i should think, after 2 and a half years - and i trust myself far enough not to be fooled or mistreated, should we ever divorce.
i'm sure prenupts make sense for people who've got a lot to lose, but at the moment, o. and i wouldn't win from taking advantage of the other. that might change, but then, how can we tell? he's not a rich methusalem and i'm no young barbie with monetary problems. o.'s no hitter, i'm no cheater... of course, things can go wrong between us, but that's way in the future - if it is going to happen at all.
i don't think o. and i are approaching this with blind optimism. we agree on not having a prenupt.

t -177

2006-03-23T09:36:00.000+01:00

facts about the wedding
date: 16. sept. 2006
time: 11:30 (am)
place: register office duesseldorf, mühlenstr. 29
costs: 158,- EUR (to date)

this is not a joke. :) we did have a little sparkling wine yesterday evening, along with a very oldfashioned dinner - bread and spread and mint tea. does getting married mean we're also getting old?!

t -178

2006-03-22T11:07:00.001+01:00

we finally made it: o. and i went to the registration office this morning, and before i even had breakfast, i was officially engaged to my man.
actually, we wanted this to happen on monday - as we are getting married on a saturday, like a lot of other people, i wanted to register on the first possible day. but of course, as murphy's law demands, something went wrong - well, i didn't prepare properly. we didn't have the right papers, so, after a 1 1/2 hour wait, we had to leave without engagement.
on monday night, i was pretty nervous that we wouldn't get the date i want - i want my marriage to be on a lucky-number day (as the 16th is), and i need a saturday marriage, because i want my family and friends from outside duesseldorf (which are still more than inside...) to be able to be there. especially my father as teacher is only free on weekends or during school holidays - and i'm not getting married without him!
but all's well that ends well, so there we are: getting married on my preferred date.
after that we had to go to work, so the only celebration i had was a latte macchiato and a croissant.
we're saving the sparkling wine for the day that i sign a job contract... when the register lady asked me what profession i want put down in the wedding papers, said "marketing assistant" - that's the most probable...
so, now o. and i will have to get started with the preparations - guest list (if anyone is in duesseldorf, germany on 16th september, let me know!), locations for the party, invitations, wedding dress, wedding cake... there's just so many things to think about! but sure: it's kinda fun!